One Regret
by Rage of BlackMist
Summary: DMxHS // Hilde Schbeckier wanted nothing more than a peaceful nights rest, but Duo surprisingly decided otherwise. Can he bring the once war-ridden young women into the light of love, or will she push him away only to regret it? Must Read!!! \\ R & R
1. To Reflect

**One Regret: To Reflect**

Written By: Rage of BlackMist 

Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing nor any of it's characters. Gundam Wing belongs to the property of the Sotsu Agency, Sunrise and Fuji TV, NOT ME. Though, I do wish is does. 

Author's Note: Hilde is the voice of the story. 

_______________________________________________________________________ 

"The biggest regrets in life are the chances you never take."   
-Hilde 

Life hit me, a strike directly targeted towards my heart, with every bolt of lightening the magnanimous Zeus could bare to spare from his secret holding. A thousand times to the max I wondered why it just now decided to lay the cards down face up flat, as if the cards dared to form a new shape. Those same cards baring the hidden message that everything is going to change rather it be a real life situation involving my life or one played by actors who hold my friends' names. The message driving towards a hint that in this lifetime, my life is going to shatter into a million microscopic pieces invisible to the human eye. 

  


In spite of everything, why this feeling of loneliness, this feeling of scarce happiness decided to creep into my very being remains a mystery. I was happy, for the time being since no one that I've crossed paths with has ever stayed or remained happy. It is a blunt fact, not an absurd notion to be forgotten. Of course, you do not have to believe me on that one. Hell, I don't even believe myself, for all you have to do is stroll out of your housing and view witness to the statement; That you can with hold happiness as long as him or her, he in my case, with hold's happiness as well. 

  


Hence, this fraud declaration of obtaining happiness and locking it with in your soul is what urges me to write about the happenings the night of July 30 and morning of July 31. Trust me on this when I challenge to say that on that morning was when Zeus glared down at me through seething orbs and declared to Aphrodite that I had and forever will remain with no heart. What a depressing realization that was when it hit me. I recall even being thrown off balanced too, perhaps the wind was knocked out of me?   


  


However, be that as it may, I regained my sense's that mythological Greek gods and goddesses are not real, furthermore squaring my shoulders while I stared open mouthed as everything that I lingered alive for walked out on me. It was a very quiet and chilly moment with the exception of the rain that fought its way into my house. I managed to hold back my flood of tears until the door shut with a thud, than fell helplessly to the floor, weak and defeated. A feeling I did not and still do not deserve.   


  


Nonetheless, to get the genuine perception of how my life crumbled those last two days of July lost to me so recently, one must hear the full story... 


	2. Indulgence

**One Regret: Indulgence**

Written By: Rage of BlackMist 

Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing nor any of it's characters. Gundam Wing belongs to the property of the Sotsu Agency, Sunrise and Fuji TV, NOT ME. Though, I do wish is does. 

Author's Note: Hilde is the voice of the story. 

_______________________________________________________________________ 

"The biggest regrets in life are the chances you never take."   
-Hilde   


I was just arriving home after a prolonged and tremendously stressful day at work, in a mood non too pleasurable on the 30th. The weather was a rather large disappointment to us "royal and honored citizens" [the Chief Representative of the colony dubbed us as such] and all I really truly wanted was to lay back and put my feet up. To even, if possibly, indulge myself in a nice dinner of whatever I managed to pick up on the way home.   


  


Instead, I stood outside my front door for what seemed to be a life time, but were only a few minutes, trying to find my house keys, which I never did find. That led me to drop my grocery bags and purse, cursing in the wake, running over to the neighbor's house and getting a spare key from them. Those 'nice' old people thought it was _immensely_ amusing that I forgot my own house keys and extremely fortunate that they had a spare. If my mood wasn't already spoiled that would have done it, I can ensure you that much.   


  


As I fought my way into the front foyer of the downstairs what did my wondrous eyes see but non other than my missing house keys. I figured, while racing to the kitchen before I dropped the grocery bags again, that on my way out this morning I must have garbed the wrong keys. Reason being is that around noontime earlier in the day I was digging through my purse and found the shop keys. Of course the tart that I am, pushed it aside saying that I probably forgot to take them out instead of garbing the wrong set.   


  


So there I was standing in the middle of my kitchen alone, cold and wet from the rain and walk home merely eager to eat and instead, just go straight to bed. After fixing myself a cold sandwich and an ice drink, I quickly fled to my room for some hushed isolation. My eyes had enormous bangs under them accompanied by a few black rings from the constant rubbing they had endured. My hair fell entirely and absolutely out of place once I pulled the hair tie out of the tangled mess.   


  


A few years before, around the time when the war had initiated a basis, I resolved to very short hair styles, feeling that with short hair I could do a numerous amount of things more efficiently and for all practical purposes. At any rate, as the years progressed and the war subsided, I nonetheless became a victim of nonstop advice to not remain with short hair and made a determination to grow it out long. It currently falls a little bit beneath my shoulders in a very 'updated fashion.'   


  


As my hair specialist says, _"Your hair style deeply signifies your deep rich blue eyes. It furthermore frames your small facial features and compliments your astonishing beauty."_ Prior to hearing that over generous remark I wanted to die laughing. Of what she said it was absolutely true and hilarious, but I could tell she was desiring a bonus tip.   


  


Resuming my preparations for bed, I followed my eyes to the window and noticed that some discourteous truck driver had left the vehicles lights on.   


  


"Darn it all." I grumbled beneath my breath to no one in particular as I followed my eyes to my bedroom door, than down the hall to the stair case. "Figures that he or she just had to leave them on!!!"   


  


Now from what I can revive, after positioning the grocery's in their respective spots and devouring a quick meal, the backbreaking ascension up the stairs was excessively brutal. To boot, I fancied that the tread down is going to be just as ghastly. Which it was I soon discovered once I reached the bottom front foyer of the house, fussing over my body as if I were an old dot with an arched back and myriad wrinkles. That did not please me more!   


  


Sounds that seemed to be coming from the truck's engine startled me senseless once I approached the French doors leading to the outside. The engine rived in annoyance and nearly had me in an early grave. At that moment I sincerely wanted to liquidate that damn fool who decided that he, the truck looked too manly for it to be a woman's, wanted to _play_ in his vehicle.   


  


It wasn't that the truck was loud or out of shape, the truck was a real beauty with a forest green base color and polished sliver rims, it was just that I was tired and desired desperately to sink into the mattresses of my bed to sleep off the day.   


  


Therefore, I pinpointed myself verging towards the front of the truck, it's lights utterly blinding my eyes in the process. The doors were shut from what I can recall, and I knocked politely on the window, not bothering to look in. Regardless if I had wanted to catch a glimpse at the culprit, I couldn't, my right hand was practically covering my eyes so that the cab's dome light wouldn't altogether null my sight. 

  


As the door slowly opened, I never gave another thought that he shouldn't get the yelling he deserved once I conveyed my opinion of the spectacle in my front drive way.   


  


"My front drive?!/..." I whispered soundlessly as the door snaked open sufficiently for him to hear my complaining. "Mind telling me just what the heck you're doing in my front drive with your bright's shining through my bedroom window's?" Rage filled with in me! I was tired, cold, weak and hadn't the energy to fight with this stranger.   


  


"Doing just what I planned." Came a deep reply in an almost crude voice as if he was silently laughing at me. Who does he think he is, I kept saying, while I pulled the cab door open just a slight wider so that the light wasn't glaring into my eyes. Furthermore, so that I could view the odious man and judge if I could out 'holler' him.   


  


What never donned on me is that the voice sounded rather familiar. Too familiar I decided as I got a more unmarred look at the young man just a tad bit older than myself. Smiling indeed the brute was! He also wore a tight smudged expression while he jumped out of the truck, causing myself to step back in the process. Thus, having the cab's light bore into my now blinded eyes.   


  


"Look mister will you just please leave my front drive? I've had a long day at work and do not..." I couldn't finish the rest of what I intended to say, cause the idiotic young man pulled me close to him out of the light's rays.   


  


"I am not leaving. No, I believe I'm not, babe." He flat-out stated, causing more rage to boil with in me. The damn idiot dared to call me babe! Only one guy is aloud to call me...   


  


"DUO!!!!" I beseeched totally and utterly shocked. I couldn't grasp what I was seeing. It had been roughly a year and a half since the last time I saw him, and nonetheless I greeted him acting as ill-mannered as I had. "Duo, where have you been?" I asked with as well of a sturdy voice I could muster.   


  


What I hoped would be an eager reply was something all together absolutely different. Before I could even object, Duo picked me up, gave me the most generous and torpid kiss I've ever experienced, than practically tossed me into the air trilling me about. It seemed like it was a scene out of a movie. The scene when the soldier finally came home after a long rough war... Heck, it was the scene from a movie!   


  


"Duo..." I laughed, trying to make him put me down but he insisted that I 'stay' in his arms. Gad, but he's a stubborn man. "Duo, please put me down."   


  


"Oh come on, babe. It's been almost a year..." he started 

  


"... and a half. Yes I know, but we're adults now and.." I looked around "and my neighbors are staring at us." I chinned, embarrassed that my new neighbors saw this intimate sight of Duo and me. They might begin to speculate that he and I are jmore than friends. Gad, but I honestly don't think that would be a very good perception.   


  


His eyes scanned our surroundings agreeing with me that we should at the very least retreat to the inside confines of my house. Thus, he took it upon himself to see to it that I was taken into my house the proper way. The proper way being held in his arms cradle like. It was a sweet gesture, really it was; save it being just a tad bit over the extreme. Concluding the fact that we are just friends and all. 

  


Once we were inside with the door shut, he finally put me down and looked me straight in the eyes. I recognized the bizarre look on his face, a priceless expression worth all the wars ever committed. And just as he was about to start talking I cut him off, "Before you start asking questions about the house, why I suddenly moved and how on earth I'm affording it, could you please stop giving me the look like I'm guilty."   


  


"Sure." He responded trying to hide his most evident smile.   


  


"Really?" I accidentally conveyed. A little disappointed, yet all together satisfied with his response. I noted the 'but' in his eyes and urged him to speak his mind. "But?.."   


  


"But, why did you..." He started, while laughing at me through devil eyes.   


  


I gave him my best look of annoyance, than sidestepped him as I moved towards the kitchen where with no doubt, I'd be making something for him to inhale. "You're crude, Duo." I countered. "Crude, venomous, repulsive and down right impossible!"   


  


"Yet there you stand, serving me, my little humble maid." He virtually spat out. His tall muscular frame taking up residence against that of the kitchen door's, arms crossed in front of his chest. He eyes widened just a tad bit, waiting for me to scratch his eyes out, which I would not have minded doing, despite the fact that I held his cold sandwich and ice drink in my hands.   


  


"Sit down before I intend to do just what you're thinking." I ordered sounding rather intimidating, considering that I followed my eyes, watching him without haste take position at the kitchen table.   


  


"You intended to take me bed?" Duo asked awfully seriously, biting into one of the sandwich's halves trying hard not to choke on the bread. From the look on his face, nothing else but that nice cold sandwich appealed to him more.   


  


Though, for the life of me I could not judge if he was serious or not, which got under my skin. Hence I retaliated in the only manner known to me, by slapping him in the back of his head. "Nice try 'buddy.'" I muttered, snickering as quietly as I could. 

  


A seductive smile emerged on his lips giving hint to whatever his dishonorable intentions were at the time, causing me to awaken my guard and sense's if just a little more. I can even recall becoming nervous; my heart skipped a few beats. Duo had never before made any insinuations that we sleep together, and making one now after a very long time of not seeing each other put me on edge.   


  


Once the sandwich was eradicated from his plate, it nearly licked spotless, I relaxed some realizing that he was simply joshing. I had a sudden feeling of disappointed when I discovered that he was merely kidding about his insinuation, but I dismissed that immediately. Why would I want to sleep with him? We're friends, best at that, so why would sleeping with him be any better?   


  


You know why a voice in my head kept telling me. I finished wiping off the table of escaped crumbs and started to wash the plate in the sink. Despite the fact that earlier I was complaining about an aching back and sore feet, now those feelings never so much as entered my mind, until I felt the press of the long day takes it final toll. 

  


Just as I was about to place the wash cloth back on the sink nozzle, my hands slipped on the wet surface of the counter and I practically whack my head on its edge. Wouldn't that amount to a 'splitting headache?' Fortunately for me though, Duo caught me just in the 'nic of time.'   


  


Drawing me close, his hard muscular frame was the base of support in which I was leaning on. Embarrassed and a little 'tickled pink' I slowly tried to move away except that he wouldn't ease his grip on me. It was almost as if he didn't want to let go of me, and that's what I thought while he laid his hand beneath my chin, bringing it up so that we met eyes with each other.   


  


I could vaguely hear the chimes of the wooden clock left to me echo through the chilly halls, an unknown breeze carrying the drapes that hung from their rods. All the windows remained shut from when I earlier closed them, yet somehow a faint wind swirled around us, capturing our bodies, causing us both to shiver impetuously.   


  


That's when I felt his cool breath on my face....   


  


His hands caressing my arms, sending a rush of warmth passing through each vein....   


  


His touch was electric, the most marvelous sensation I had ever felt. Sure I had the usual friend, who was a guy I might add. Sure there was a moment when all was perfect and he'd steal a kiss or two from me, but this was all different from all those past times. At this very moment, it seemed as if it were real, truly and utterly real. As if all those other kisses were preparations for this very moment.....  
  



	3. Act of Remorse

**One Regret: Act of Remorse**  
  
Written By: Rage of BlackMist   
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing nor any of it's characters. Gundam Wing belongs to the property of the Sotsu Agency, Sunrise and Fuji TV, NOT ME. Though, I do wish is does.   
  
Author's Note: Hilde is the voice of the story.   
  


_______________________________________________________________________ 

  


"The biggest regrets in life are the chances you never take."   
-Hilde 

  


My mind beseeched for more oxygen as the life I proudly held slipped through my lungs; the air that struggled to remain in my body decreasing slowly, responding as if I were dead, even so knowing that I was alive. I could feel the warmth of his hand radiating beneath my chin; myself not believing it to be his, though knowing all the same that it was.   


  


His eyes I will never forget. They were beautiful, gorgeous, extraordinary and I kicked myself mentally for not realizing it sooner. Had I known their strength nay the altruistic hold they concealed so well, instead of the pain they visage, I'd been bewitched more easily.   


  


Irrespective of the fool that I am, at this very moment I was frightened to close my eyes, dreading that all was a fantasy, a vision bound to disappear. At any rate, the only act of vanish in his orbs was the chaos that was stolen as I inched closer to his muscular frame, bringing my lips to mere centimeters away. I could even hear the smooth intake of air as I snatched his breath away in the wake, parting his lips to savor a kiss.  


  


Sensing his response to my insist, all that I cared for and valued was put on hold; I was not going to allow this moment to be ruined. Having felt the power of his kiss, him luring me closer to his warmth, his thoughts were exact. Regardless if my subconscious was urging me to step back to comprehend what was happening, my lips had a mind of their own.   


  


All I could taste was him, all I wanted was just this moment- everything else didn't matter. With my eyes shut, I pictured his serious eyes, the same ones that haunted my dreams more than I liked. Something about the mystery that lay beneath them caught my fancy and held my attention for all these past years.  


  


These years, too many to remember yet not enough to forget were my gateway from death to the living. Had I not met him, I'd be just another lonely soldier who died during the war, fighting to protect it's beliefs; wanting to end it's life to escape the hell that God gave it.  


  


Too bad I was once one of those beings who cared not for themselves only to prove that life has no meaning. Nonetheless, Duo taught me to live richly, and I do not repute that even the greatest gift of all would be a good enough repayment in gratitude for his teachings. 

  


Whilst minutes pushed on, my mind seemed to be at pause yet fast-forwarding at the same time. Illusions nay memories from long ago swarmed around me, like a merry-go-round; spinning around objects, viewing them with hazy eyes. Confusion took the last of the air daring me to end our kiss. I had no choice; I stepped back, and opened my eyes. Slowly I gazed into his.  


  


It scared yet pleased me that I was finally the reflection cast in them; I was finally the center of his universe. And for just a second I was indulged- I was content and nothing mattered to me. 

  


It was then when I felt a rakish chill course down my spin, so chilling I shivered and panted from its coldness. He pulled me closer and I ogled more longingly into those orbs of his. As we stood there, I bethought that life had froze, capturing us like a snap shot in an intimate pose, locked in each others embrace, as if we were two ancient statue's telling the story of our past.   


  


I dreamt of what it would like to return to my humble home seeking protection after fighting the twisted demons of a long day- my life. I was surprised when I dreamt Duo, who comforted me with warmth everlasting. And for once, I yearned for a life like that...   


  


To my dismay, that yearning was thieved from right out under me, guiding my mind to a blank state. I found myself in a perplexed state of mind as to why I wanted such a life, where one only dared to speak of it using a fairy tale plot line and cute little characters. I was, yet still am, a fool to think that I could have had a life so heaven like...  


  


Angered and cheated I felt as my dreamt fantasy was taken from me. For the feel of it in my bones, the taste of it in my mouth was too surreal that as I tried touch it, my finger pricked the sharp point of spinning wheel; and my dreamt life died as human words entered the silence.  


  


His startled words were like liquid crystal; beautiful yet meaningless. I was too transfixed at any rate, by the power of his eyes, violet sapphires glittering in waves, that I just shook my head hushing him, even so praying all the same that this moment would not end. This instant was too unique to watch as it flees...  


  


Nonetheless, just as how my dreamt life ceased, so did this precious moment.   


  


Duo unlocked his arms from mine, steadying himself in the wake while he pulled away. It wasn't just the warmth that we created in which he left, but it was I too that he tore free from.   


  


"That shouldn't have..." I heard myself utter as I braced my weight on the kitchen's counter with an ease I did not know I had. I ended the statement dry with a killing pause and sharp edge, until I summed up enough courage and said, "happened!"  


  


"I know... No, I don't know!" His words were dry and cunning, putting me on edge. We had kissed, in doing so sharing a moment, and did that not amount to anything? So what if I was confused and wanted a clarification. At least I vaguely had an idea of why we kissed. He couldn't even conjure up a lie...  


  


"You don't know!" It barely came out below a whispered tone. I most definitely had not planned on saying those words, that phrase so rude and uncaring like but the words slipped and it was too late to take them back. Considering that I didn't want to. Not really.   


  


He swung me around and sought my eyes after the words left my mouth. I was speechless for once as was he. It wasn't often that I'd say something so thoughtless and stupid like but that night, everything was different.   


  


"Do I dare apologize? Is that what you want?" He asked in a raspy hesitant voice.   


  


I mouthed the words, "No.." and "Yes," though sill unable to make-up my mind. Should he apologize? Should I apologize? Why would one even be needed?   


  


I looked passed him and out the window with hopes of seeking some answers. It was then when I noticed that I hadn't cared much for the moon that night, not having the pleasure in savoring the beauty of it before all this. The moon was full, lighting up the frosty night skyline with just its simple glow. Not a sole thing could take away the moon's majestic flush besides the millions of stars that painted an everlasting picture of elegance. Seconds, though which seemed like an eternity was spent wasted while I glazed up at the vast galaxy.  


  


My vision lowered to his, myself finally making up my mind. "I don't want an apology, Duo." I hesitated just a little but urged myself to finish what I had started. "Not from you nor from I. I kissed you first..." The words left my mouth in a dying trail.  


  


His reply was automatic. "Then what is it you want?"  


  


"I want you to be a gentleman and give me a reason." I heard myself say, even so knowing that he was expected to give one. 'Perhaps a perfect ending too...' My heart bagged, evening to so knowing that I wouldn't be given one. Once again I was being held by him, only this time I didn't want to; I didn't trust myself enough to be.   


  


We both knew what I had meant by 'a reason.' Despite that, I waited patiently for my due explanation, one in which I never did receive. Because of that, I slowly backed away from him and hastily quit the kitchen. I needed some air, just a little breeze of fresh cold air to cool off my skin. Perhaps even a minute to think clearly...  
  


  


I came to a stop when I realized that the sound of my footsteps were playing a duet. Slowly I turned around and found myself toe to toe with Duo who smiled down at me with a grin that made my knees go weak. I tried to back away but he wouldn't allow it. Inching closer step by step, he planned to back me up right into a corner. He succeeded and I mentally smacked myself for allowing him to do such a thing.  


  


"This isn't fair!" I reasoned though it did no good. "I... I... Will you stop staring at me that way!" His grin widened and I saw his lip's part into a slight smile. "Argh! Duo.."  
  


  


"WHAT?" He chinned, "what'd you expect me to do, stand there and watch you walk away!" Duo stopped in his tracks, crossed his arms, and leaned against the wall. The years had matured since I had met he, because of that, so had his body. His frame had filled out, his arms were more thick due to muscle, his chest hardened from work, and his lips were more full. He was leaning right in front of a large bay window in the living room where the moons glow faded into the brown locks of his hair.  


  


He looked too healthily, for the time that we spent time apart had done him well.   


  


And what of I? Did I change ? Nay, I was the still the same one and only. The same Hilde, with short black hair, blue-violet eyes...   


  


Am I jealous?  


  


No. Just sad. He was given the opportunity to see the world for what it really is in return for his deeds in helping obtain peace, and all I got was money slapped and pinned with a medal of honor.   


  


My eyes drew downcast and my breathing heaved.  


  


"You're supposed to be a gentleman and leave." I answered smugly giving him that well-defined hint. Of course he ignored it, in fact I don't even think he caught it! For a minute, I thought I was going to have to repeat myself but I knew, I just knew he had heard me correctly. "Well.." I pondered crossing my arms in the wake, using the wall as a back brace.  


  


"I don't think so, babe." He decided. "Nope, I'm not going any where!" His eyes sparkled with a tint of hugh and a laugh escaped his lips, while he grew closer until his frame was just centimeters away from mine. With one hand planted to the left of my head and the other to the right, he whispered into my ear a wary tease.  


  


"Which bed, yours, or mine?"   


My heart froze and my mind went blank at that very moment. Life seemed to stop, even so for a few minutes, and I tried to reason, rationalize what he had just said. At any rate, reasoning didn't work nor rationalizing for that matter. I couldn't think of anything to build off of. Duo always used to tease me about us or the would-be us. Oh heck, at that instance I was so confused and I couldn't even remember if you could call those old times even teasing.  


  


While I was fighting to recall old past times, Duo took the opportunity to answer for me... answering with a kiss. I can't help but laugh at myself now, after remembering what I was like when he kissed me. You could call me a tard, a geek, a nerd, whatever the fav new lango the world created and is now using... heck even an idiot... but I think the best named that suited me at the time is haft wit.   


  


Seriously, I was only half awake. Viewing this 'event' through hazy eyes. Standing there shocked, with eyes open, my mouth squeezed shut, and hands at my side, I was shocked! The earlier kiss I gave him was understandable; I was the one who kissed him.. But now he was kissing me and now I'm all confused. Argh!!!!  


  


A gush of cool air fought its way in-between us, myself knowing that the hand material my hands pressed against was Duo's shirt and that the pushing was centered on him. I had pushed him away. For once, I knew I had done the right thing.  


  


This thing, this unexplainable relationship Duo and I share, truly, honestly isn't more than a game. The other night I had thought about life, tucked away with Duo by my side, us in our own little home, sharing the rest of our lives together.. Building a family... Was merely just a dream. And like most of my dreamt hopes, it was stolen from me just like all the others.  


  


I shook my head and put a hand to my heart, the other covering it.   


  


"I want so much, but I am only given a little." A single tear escaped and slid down my left cheek. Moist, I could feel it but I didn't wipe it away. "You came back this time. That's all I ever wanted for you to do. I waited and waited for all those months for you to come back to me. I was lost, you were my only friend. And you were gone."  


  


"I'm here now..." Duo tried to get it. He faintly trailed off as I kept on spilling my heart. What had started off as a friendly visit and welcoming back turned into a pain driven battle between not wanting what I am given and wanting what I can not have.  


  


"I wanted a perfect ending... Now I've learned the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next.  


  


"I know that I'm not making any sense to you, but I'm finally understanding it myself and I can't stop. Not now, not while I'm ahead. I'm sorry..." My words trailed off from my lips, leaving the breeze's faint voice to echo through the room.  


  


I could tell that he was getting angry with me. For he backed away and walked near the door frame, where light spilled out onto the wood floor. His shadow was gloomy, chills raced up and down my spin just from looking at it. Icy eyes met mine. He dared me to finish, and as I tried, nothing seemed to come out. I couldn't find the right words.  


  


Instead he tried to make light of the situation and cracked a joke. "Oh.. So talking with you is short for the conversational equivalent of an out of body experience.?/!" Even though his joke meant to lighten the mood, he couldn't bring himself to give a laugh, not even a little.   


  


"No." I heard myself say. "It just means that being strong sometimes means being able to let go." Of what I silently questioned.   


  


"True..." He ended, but I knew it was only just the beginning. Distantly, the door cracked up, him parting with meaningful words. "But I guess I don't want to wake up and realize that what I was dreaming was right in front of my shut eyes... 'cause I don't want to stop saying hellos for fear of saying good-byes."  


  


It was moments later when Duo's truck lights flicked on, the engine's sound igniting in my ears. How I felt the outside's draft creep up my arms, then hearing the door slam shut with a thud. It was then when I finally noticed that he had left.   


  


As much as I wanted to run out that door and chase him down the street telling him that hellos didn't mean good-byes and that good-byes aren't forever... That waking up and realizing that what you dream was right in front of your shut eyes doesn't mean the end. For we both know that it doesn't. Sorunning after him isn't going to change what has already begun between the two of us.  


  


I do not hate him, nor does he hate I. We care for each other in words that are unexplainable. We just don't know how much we care for each other yet. I suppose that what regrets are for.   


  


"For the biggest regrets in life are the chances you never take."  


______________________________________________________________________ 

TBC  


Please Review if you want the next chapter... ^_^ REVIEW... REVIEW... REVIEW... REVIEW.... ONE MUST REVIEW... TO GET THE... NEXT CHAPTER... REVIEW... REVIEW... REVIEW... REVIEW... ONE MUST REVIEW... TO GET THE... NEXT CHAPTER!... HAHA!! ^_^ Bye Bye 


	4. Greediness That Took

**One Regret: Greediness That Took  **

Written By: Rage of BlackMist 

Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing nor any of it's characters. Gundam Wing belongs to the property of the Sotsu Agency, Sunrise and Fuji TV, NOT ME. Though, I do wish is does. 

Author's Note: Hilde is the voice of the story. 

_______________________________________________________________________ 

"The biggest regrets in life are the chances you never take." -Hilde 

**TO THE PUBLIC:**

Wow, so you want another chapter, eh? And here I thought Act of Remorse was the conclusion of my little insight. How very wrong I am!!! Well, I suppose I could write the next chapter! Couldn't very well deny the public what they truly want After all, I'm not that crude! ^_^ Oh, and just for your information, I've really enjoyed writing this story! This is definitely AU, although we don't really know Hilde that well from the series, so who knows, she could be just like this! 

Previously:

As much as I wanted to run out the door and chase him down the street telling him that hellos didn't mean good-byes and that good-byes aren't forever... That waking up and realizing that what you dream was right in front of your shut eyes doesn't mean the end. For we both know that it doesn't. So running after him isn't going to change what has already begun between the two of us. 

I do not hate him, nor does he hate I. We care for each other in words that are unexplainable. We just don't know how much we care for each other yet. I suppose that what regrets are for. 

"For the biggest regrets in life are the chances you never take." 

..-~-.. 

It wasn't until Duo had left did I recollect this old neighbor of mine. Betty Kenington, in former times, enlightened to no one in particular that love usually comes more than once in life and "to make sure that your eyes are always wide open so that an opportunity at romance is never passed up." And I do quote that straight out of Betty's mouth, she's very finicky about keeping the facts frank. 

  
She verges amoung _those_ type of women; those helpless nit brains who literally fall in love with the stereotypical Sunday morning milk man. Yes, the very men who come knocking at the kitchen door awaiting the usual payment for their services; either in the inconsequential money the rich store for looks or in the physical side of nature they need. Of course, when she had revealed to me that utterly significant detail, I flashed my pearly whites, giving her the quick yet polite nod as if I absolutely agreed with her. Don't get me wrong, I've exceeded my schooling, scored high on all forms of tests, and believe me, we all know the truth about that special emotion; you love only once. Once you love, you never love again. 

  
Ever since that worthless conversation with her, which I honestly regret having, I've been solely stuck on this over drive of loneliness. I suppose it started at the initiation of my unofficial pathetic attempt at dating but I failed miserably. I tried reading a sappy romance novel once, the types of stories with the tall, dark and handsome male and small, busty female whose lives are perfect. The two characters deadly attracted to each other but uneventfully a serious life threatening problem surfaces bring separation between them...   


  
"She is a fragile innocent haunted by memories of her past and by dreams of the man who once shared her secrets... The only man she can ever truly love. One of the worlds greatest beauties, her face and figure grace the fashion pages of the most elegant magazines. Though many desire her, only one may have her...."   


  
Are you kidding me? Truth be told, the plot borders among intriguing, except... I got to the third chapter and decided that I'd rather watch a movie than endeavor to read an aseptic love story. Lastly, I got out of my worn copying of _An Affair to Remember_, wincing at the over acted scenes and tearing at the heart throbbing phrases. Now that is pitiable.   


  
When the movie ended, I found that I still couldn't bring myself to sleep, except that I was tried enough, so I got up and shut the system off, then climbed into bed. Considering the earlier events, I as likely would not get any rest but I at the very least tried.   


  
The mood that was bestowed upon me was horrific when the clock chimed 12:30 a.m.; I just could not fall asleep. With an aching back, cramping feet, my began to head hurt. The sheets were ice cold and the pillow remained stiff. If I wasn't already sore I would have punched the wall. Damn tempting to let some frustration out, but I didn't do it. Then, just when I thought I could finally lose myself to unconciseness-   


  
Some damn idiot decided to pull the same asinine stunt as Duo had just done.   


  
The low beams were on this time, so my eyes still had a chance against the threatening lights. The engine was still running smoothly as I reached the top of the stairs, therefore I assumed that the person must be in the car. Yet, when my front door sailed open, I forget how to breathe.  


  
He came back. Duo actually came back. His eyes were strained, but attentive as if he misplaced something and desperately needed it back. He scanned the front entrance and some of the living room only to hastily give up. Rushed and a little out of breath himself, he stalked towards me, halting a few feet before my own. I gave him a questioning glaze, folding my arms in front of chest, tapping my foot on the floor. 

  
"Sorry about the door. I found the spare key and didn't want to wake you." Duo shrugged, turning to close the door. I annoying chuckled and made me way down the stairs, stopping on the bottom step. My eyes were level with his. Erie, but I felt somewhat dominate. 

  
"Mislay something?" I asked strongly. Nodding, he gestured towards the walls and picture frames. 

  
"It was one of the reasons I came here for." Duo quieting said, not chancing to look into my eyes. "You gotta have it, Hilde. It's the picture of Libra shattered in space with all the..." He started but hushed while I sought his eyes. 

  
He came back, but not me, never for me, not again. A picture was more important than me. Paper worth more than a beating heart.  


  
"And if I don't?" I knew what he was talking about it. It was the same old picture that I stare at every morning before work and every evening when I come home.   


  
Duo merely stared at me and didn't say a word. "And if I don't?" I asked again.   


  
"You have it, Hilde. I saw it in one of the hallways. I need it." He hesitated, but added, "Don't be greedy."   


  
My head jerked up and I gazed into his blue metallic orbs. Greedy? "Excuse me?" I mumbled. "Don't be greedy?"   


  
"The picture, Hilde, please don't make this difficult."   


  
Anger started to boil, my thoughts whirling. The memento wasn't worth an argument over, so I left and returned with the photo, the frame bare. He snatched it out of my hands so quickly that I didn't even so much as glimpse at the image. Duo turned it over and read the numbers on the back.   


  
"Access codes." I offered.   


  
"Important, priceless, access codes." Duo countered. I squinted my eyes.   


  
"A little money thirsty?" I asked with a smirk.   


  
"Only you, babe!" Duo barked back, waltzing out of my house without so much as a backward glance, the door slamming shut with a thud.   


  
I'm not a greedy person, by all means, if you must label me something then characterize me as an ingenious being. I bake my own bread with my nude calloused hands then eat it, and sometimes I even indulge myself by snatching a loaf or two from the baker. But I am not greedy. I merely have minor needs in my life just like every other human being on this spherical planetarium. So when I heard my name in the same sentence as greediness, well, I was shocked, hurt, angry, and most of all, disappointed. My life isn't a rare crystalloid embryo that dozens shamelessly cry over and I sure as hell wouldn't trade in an ancient Greek medallion that Dante once owned to keep my oxygen tank still running.   


  
I've never taken anything away from someone; never fancied my goods in front of unfortunate others; never hurt anything intentionally to get what I wanted; never even stepped on an ant. So why would someone call me greedy?   


  
There was this one time while I was on duty preserving the better of mankind and all that brainwash, when I stumbled across an abandon warehouse. It appeared mysteriously inviting and even though I knew that my orders were to stay within the perimeter, I couldn't help myself.   


  
With two main entrance's to the building, I took the more difficult route, figuring that why _shouldn't_ I injure a few needless bones. If I was to, it'll look as if I was actually contributing to something meaningful relating to my position as guard. I was full of surprises back then!   


  
With many obstacles, the journey in was immoderately hard, scarring my former flawless skin with marks and nicks. While I was trying to push up one window in particular, I nearly vaulted off from the narrow ledge that I was standing on.   


  
A gad awful heart tearing pierce had eloped the air. I still get the shivers just from thinking about it. I was already perspiring madly and desperately sought balanced footing, so I decided to follow the screech. As I wedged closer and closer to the voice, my eyes caught sight of a partly naked urchin curled up in a death quenching grip. Standing idle, I observed its tiny chest heave daintily up and down. Shocked to find such a site, I roughly fell to my knees. The child's flesh was primarily corroded by moths and other life inducing insects. With no clothes save a befoul oversized shirt, I could see delicate ribs outlines its body.   


  
How could a child of such delicate years be relinquished to life's harsh treatment? Alone and in need, who would bestow such wantonness to a living being? 

  
Alive and barely breathing, I knelt beside the child to swipe away loose hairs. It's eye's visage sadness and a yearning for a better fortune that paralleled along the lines with world peace: inevitable. Tears streaked its cheeks and blood clots were stuck to it's lips. The child's arms were permanently bent in a position that helped support it's neck so that the child's head wouldn't drupe back.   


  
My eyes grew heavy with tears, my heart thanking all good luck awarded to me since my birth. As I stared deeply into the eyes of the child, I reflected how providential I was for all the privileges I was given. Then the youngins chest heaved, coughing up blood and a clear liquid substance. 

  
Recovery even if I helped provide, was next to impossible, so I merely sat back on my heels next to the child while hours exceeded. I didn't hold the child, wanted to, but didn't for fear of getting my uniform stained with blood. I hate myself now, for not giving that child just one of it's wishes, but I couldn't do it. Even though I thought I was being selfish about the clothes, deep down in side I knew that if I held the child I wouldn't have wanted to let it go. Eventually I would have to, but I'd be gone by the time that death over came the it's tiny body.   


  
Because my orders didn't include updates, reporting back to the base anytime soon was negligible, therefore I stayed there. After a few more hours of feeding the child some of what was left of my supplies and taking several trips to a nearby stream, my time with it grew thin and slowly I remember spitefully awaking my body. The water that it drank loosen the child's throat enough for it to mumble a few words. 

  
My heart tore and I all but cried.   


  
"Don't go." It uttered first. "Please wady, don't weave me to die." Tears numbly fell as if I were a waterfall at the tail of a gushing stream. "I don't want to die." I heard as I mournfully treaded away, starting my way back to the makeshift camp. I convinced myself the child was saying 'thank you,' instead of pleading for help, but I could never forget those last few words, "I don't want to die."   


  
"Neither do I." I confided to the child as I clothed the supply's pack. "Neither do I." I mumbled in reassurance.  


  
To this day, I have no clue as to if the child ever lived long enough to hear my offered words. I don't even know if the child was a boy or a girl; if the child ever ate a filling meal; shared a fit of laughs; had been loved...   


  
However, what's really the kicker, is that I _am _greedy.   


  
It was greed that had me pacing away from a child that needed, pleaded for my help. It was greed that spared me a bag of crackers to eat on the way out of the area instead of offering my lasts to the empty belly child. It was greed that urged me retain my spare socks, shirts, and jacket to cover it's dying body from the harsh weather. It was _all_ greed.   


  
Greed that led me down the path of the life I'm living as of present. Greed that took my voice and told Duo all those things, drove him away, and isolated my life from everything worth breathing for. It was all greed, and I hate myself for being such a person.   


  
Because of remembering that tragic nightmarish incident, I've come to disagree with the decisions I have chosen, I've come to scorn myself for passing up perfect opportunities, and I come to hate regretting the chances that I never took. 

  
When Duo called me greedy, I didn't question if I'm worthy of such an adjective. I just let it sink in like moisture that dampens the ground....   


  
My body sagged, limp as if life ceased within me. Knees weakening, I crushed the floor with my dead weight, palms breaking the contact with the cool surface. My mind beseeched oxygen, but I received none. I needed to breathe, but something within me was tightening my lungs. Finally, air flowed freely through my veins. 

  
"So what if I am greedy! So what if I left a helpless child to die." I breathed in cool fresh air after I crawled to the door, barely opening it. When I looked out into the night, I found Duo sitting on the front steps, mesmerized by the image in his hands. I didn't actually see him, for tears covered my vision, but I knew he was there. On I ranted as if these were the last words given to me.   


  
"So what if I hate myself for loving you." I cried and hissed at the same time. "For hating you. I hate you Duo!" I whispered. He quickly turned on me, pulled my limp body into his strong arms, yet again. Then I hit his chest and went numb, my body relaxing in his lap. A groan escaped his lips as his arms covered me, entrapping my body. 

  
"Hilde..." I faintly heard Duo utter. 

  
"I'm not greedy." I pleaded, shutting my eyes, hurt lurking within them. "I am not a worthless greed stricken fiend." 

  
"Hilde, I didn't.." 

  
"Don't ever. Not ever. I can't. Please don't." They were my lasts words as I feel into complete unconciseness, unknowing of my surroundings, not caring, not thinking, just falling, completely, and utterly falling. I was content, for the time being. Content, simply content. 

  
_____________________________________________________________________ 

  
TBC 

  
Ah! Such tension! Didn't think I was gonna bring drama into the picture, but I had to reveal some of her past and reasons for her close-mindedness. The abandon child is purely my original doing, nothing from the true Gundam Wing/Endless Waltz series, so don't misthink you forgot about it. I hadn't intended to have so many chapters involved, merely thought to ended the story with the third chapter of Duo walking out, but so many of you requested more.... 

  
Nonetheless, I gotta know what you all think about the story as of yet. Do I continue on with my writings? Kill it off with a sudden ending? Leave be to yet others bethink their own endings? 

  
REVIEW and tell me what to do!!! I can't write this fic all on my own! 

  
-Rage of Blackmist 


End file.
